I had some extra "free time" today and was simply wasting it by boppin' around on my computer lookin' at "stuff". Yep. No biggee. When I realized I hadn't written anything in here since November. Wow.
I know how much my life revolves around my monkey children, but after thinking for a scant second or two, I have to admit there is so much to learn from this stage of all our lives.
For example: my 5 year old daughter really, REALLY wanted to ride in another mom's car today, after school, instead of mine. We were going to the same place, so I really didn't care. HOWEVER, I said no.
No specific reason, really, just "no". At the time, "no" was easier. This led to begging, and then whining, and then the..(wait for it)....tantrum. In which case, my "no" became a serious, "don't push me on this kid, I might snap" kind of NO. So, in pure MindyMommy fashion, I told HER that I was going to say 'yes' but then she HAD to throw her fit...so....really it's her own fault.
Wow. just Wow.
Am I a horrible, inflexible, mean mommy who enjoys torturing the monkeys? hmmmm...well.....okay. On a bad day, maybe. In general, I like to think of myself as "a donkey on the edge!" (yes, thank you: a random Shrek reference for those discerning readers) or a mom who has only a few hard core rules. One of mine is that the kid automatically does NOT get whatever it is he/she wants if they throw a fit. Period. Because I said NO and I want obedient children.
Except....
When I REALLY think about it, I realize that everything about defining the tantrum is totally arbitrary. WOW.
-WHO decides how big of a deal the tantrum is? me
-WHO decides if the situation calls for squashing it completely then and there or appeasing the monkey before any poo gets thrown? (ahhhh...Madagascar reference there) me.
-WHO tries to make sense of the whole mess? anyone? anyone? Bueller...Bueller (snort, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, an oldie but goodie). Still me.
Okay. hang on. I'm rambling. But I've seen it done so well in other blogs...I have a point here...coming around...pretend you are tacking your sailboat, people .....and ....swing....
This leads to a realization: I am totally full of crap.
I am really and truly makin' this stuff up as I go. Left to my own devices, we'd live in squalor and do violent things with dishes on the front lawn, screaming, "Dishes are DONE, man!" (Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, 1991- a classic, not really). Thus I should not be left to my own devices.
Somewhere around my daughter's sixth month or so, my husband wearily said to me something to the effect of: "well...at least YOU know what you are doing..." I promptly responded with heartfelt laughter and then a Mindy-esque retort of "Are you HIGH?" (no, he was not; and yes, it's just an expression). I was completely unaware that he had attributed such an absurd notion to my person. Wow...just wow.
I immediately disillusioned the poor man by explaining in great detail all the stuff I did "wrong" on a daily basis, and then the periodic "ooops" events, (like letting her roll off the futon onto the carpet when she was a few months old). Now our monkey children are 5 and 2 1/2. The discussion of knowing what I am doing has never been repeated. We are openly both wingin' it now. (Don't MAKE me tell you about the time she got a training potty seat stuck around her neck and couldn't get it off her head. Yes, it really happened; and Yes, it involved a fire truck and paramedics. There are pictures...)
It has been my personal experience that nothing, but NOTHING twists you up inside, both good and bad, like being a parent. Being responsible for, loving on, and dealing with, however many monkeys are there. Nothing messes with your self esteem, your self image, your sleep, your love life, your sanity (for cryin' out loud!) like being a mom.
I have a friend who has four kids. FOUR. I have two. TWO. This is important because she appears to me to hold up under the pressures of two times as many kids as I have about as good as I do my measly two. She is one of my heroes. One of my other friends has twins about the same age as my 2 1/2 year old. TWO 2 1/2 year olds at the SAME TIME. She's another cape wearin' mommy. Yet another one dwells in a very small living space, raising two sons, sleeping on a pull out sofa bed with her husband, and always manages to be one of my favorite people. I have more. I am blessed beyond belief to have more friends like these monkey wrangling mommas. I tell you about them to share the hope I have in us all that makes me smile almost on a daily basis.
Tons of things have been written about "mommy guilt" but that is not my point. I'm not even trying to be self- deprecating and pretend I'm a bad mom. I'm not. I know I'm not. But....I'm still full of crap.
Up there, the tantrum paragraph? Where I said that I have a rule about obedience? hmmmmm
Think about that for a minute. Then let me throw back in the "things to learn" part.
If I personally believe that my children should obey ME, how do I feel about my own obedience? How YOU doin' (pretend this is said in Joey from "Friends" fashion with the head nod thing)? Yeh. Maybe not too hot. How often do I immediately obey God's command? How fast do I offer up a spirit of submission?
Ahhhh...this is the point, gentle reader (I have TOTALLY always wanted to write that!!).
(I will say "we" as a generalization, when I really mean "I" and just don't want to feel all alone). I think parenting is so hard because we have a mirror constantly thrown up at us, which is both good and bad. We see our monkeys, and their behavior, and it reflects on OUR behavior (or sometimes, more accurately, our behavior in reaction to theirs).
We need to teach our children through our examples, and our behavior. Maybe we even need to learn from them, too....but that's at the end....
Really, we need to demonstrate more fruits of the spirit as described in Galatians 5:22. I certainly need to master them better. These include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.
WOW...just wow.
How are we supposed to manage THAT?
ahhhhhhh.....God can manage it. (big smiley graphic here)
I'm learning, remember?
-I've learned to lean on God to help me not hang my children up in the closet by their toes in the lovely hour between nap and dinner time (I really would not do this, The State frowns on it).
-I have learned to embrace my friends and other moms whom I respect and love, to feel like I am not "doing this alone." A great sense of humor is a great gift from God.
-When I feel like the zookeepers are not really in charge, I try to remember who I believe really IS.
Some lady I did not know hugged me in church the other day, whispering in my ear, "You are so good with her (my daughter). It's wonderful to see." uh...whaaaaat? Where did THAT come from? wow....
Yeh. God's got my back. I hope I realize THAT more often.
Maybe here is an appropriate spot to give a huge shout out to all my church community whom God placed me among to ....well...help me with my own tantrums and have the opportunity to grow together.
So, taking you back to the beginning example of my daughter and HER tantrum...she came home, and drew a picture of her and her friend having a sleep over. She included a thought bubble, depicting her dreaming of riding in their car (which her mean mommy wouldn't allow). She expressed it, apparently, and has now moved on to other things. Wow......
Whereas her mommy spent however many minutes writing a blog post after the silly episode, thinking deep thoughts (see Jack Handy, a comedy sketch on SNL in the 90's)......
....mmmmm....maybe I should have gotten out some crayons and paper instead.....
Be blessed,
m
